I’m going to be honest and say that there have been a plethora of instances, too many to count, of being asked what I’m going to do when I get back. Where am I going to live? Am I going to teach again? What kind of job will I have if I don’t teach? What am I going to do if I don’t find a job or don’t figure out where to live by Fall? In fact, it’s even gotten to the point that I have found myself lying awake numerous nights just asking for answers to each of these questions. Yet every time I hear a very simple answer, “Just wait.”

I’m not really worried about any of these things. I know that the God I serve is good and faithful to His children, that He loves to bless them beyond measure by providing every need. But I also know that in order for Him to do those things I have to let Him. I can’t just continue asking for answers and wanting them right away, and if I’m being completely honest, I don’t want them right away.

I don’t want to limit God’s refinement of me. I don’t want to continue asking Him what about this or this or this. I think I’ve finally reached the point that He’s been drawing me to for some time. I want to know who.

I want to know who I’ll be once I start the job He has waiting. Who I’ll be once I get settled in to whatever place He has for me already in mind. Who I’ll be when I reunite with my family and friends, my girls and church.  Who I’ll be when I get back to typical American life filled with gimmicks and gimme’s and as much glam as you can buy.

All over the Bible there is one example after another of people’s character. Whether or not they were a man so obedient that he would sacrifice his only son or a woman who had enough trust in, she tithed everything she had knowing she would still see His provision.  A centurion that had faith of Jesus’ healing ability to the point his child was saved just by him saying it or a woman who was so in love with Christ she spent a years worth of wages just to wash His feet. It all speaks of who the people are, how Christ shaped them and formed their character to the point that their life was a reflection of Him moving.

There were a couple of statements that I heard in these past several months that have really stuck to me:

“God cares more about who you are than where you are.” (Leslie Redman) and “God says come just as you are, but you can’t remain the same as when you first came.” (Pastor Moses)

These two statements have impacted me in a way that resonates. They are constant in my mind and churning through my heart on a regular basis.

So even though I don’t have answers to all of the “what’s” of life, I’m done asking. It’s time to focus on the who. It’s time to rest in the knowing that I am, and will always be a work in progress, and that it’s okay because, as far as God is concerned, I’m already a work of perfection-flawless and worthy of being a co-heir to the kingdom.

I am His.

I expected to have to say goodbye to internet for eleven months, barely being able to keep in touch with everyone.  However, I was privileged along the way to have internet every single month.  Granted some months more slim than others, but either way, still more internet than I ever expected.

I expected to have to live in a tent for eleven months.  So much so that my Mom bought me Sweet Pea Scentports from Bath and Body Works to hang up in my tent so that it would smell a little like home in the middle of the fields I would be living in.

I expected to experience eleven months worth of bucket showers in my swim suit.  Luckily, we were more than lucky enough to have contacts and months where there was running water and when there wasn’t there was other water that they would bring in for us.  I never once had to shower in a field in my  swim suit.  The closest I got was an open top squatty shower that had more ways to see me in all of my glory than not; I survived.

I expected to eat the smallest portions of food and always find myself hungry for eleven months.  There was never a day that I went without.  There were always three meals in the day and plenty of food to spare.  They may not have been the most ideal meals, but I was never hungry.

I expected to have the hardest time living in close community for eleven months.  Figuring out what it looks like to share rooms, beds, floors, space, bathrooms, and sometimes clothes when I had always had my own of everything.  I always paid the extra to not have to share just because it was worth avoiding to me.  Instead I fell in love with the people and didn’t really care about space that much.

I expected to leave home last September and not return until sometime in July or August.  To spend eleven months as an “international missionary.”  Just like all the other expectations I shared about before though, it didn’t end up like I thought it would.  Instead I spent only seven months on the Race.

Yes, I lived in homes along the way, had plenty of food, loved the people and had running water.  And yes, I witnessed my God move in ways mightier than I ever even fathomed was possible before the Race, was a vessel to His miracles and healings, and saw parts of the world that He so cherishingly created with utmost passion, but even more than that, my Father established His purpose in me.

I can honestly say that one expectation I had that was met was to see my Father’s continuity among the diverse nations and change my life forever from it.  However, if I’m being honest I was just expecting change, not to be wrecked.

God completely wrecked everything inside of me.  Slowly pulling everything out, one thing at a time, lovingly working with me through it and putting it back in place.  While it was a completely different shape when He returned it, it always fit even better than before.

I can’t really explain to you a logical reason as to why I left the race, it doesn’t make sense at all to me.  To be completely vulnerable, it’s a pride struggle of having to go back on my word that I would be doing something specific for a specific amount of time and knowing that I’m not going to meet everyone’s expectations.  One thing that’s awesome about being a child of God though is that it’s not about logistics in His kingdom.  It’s not about everything making sense.

I don’t have anyone or anything to come back to.  Sure I have family in the states and I love them and want to see them, but I don’t have a job or a home and I definitely don’t have any belongings.  I literally am coming home to nothing.  And in that, aside from my pride battle, I have an indescribable joy because I know that I am standing before my Father in complete obedience and trust of His provision.  Confident that my God is mighty to save and that He wouldn’t have spent the last seven months restoring every fiber of my soul to do anything other than fulfill the victory and redemption He’s been speaking to me over and over again as though it were the best track on my favorite CD.

Really I don’t even know where to start or end with everything that I have come to learn over the past seven months of my life.  But, I can tell you that bringing kingdom to God’s children here on earth, whether in the states or overseas is not just a task for someone with a title of missionary.

Life is a mission.  We are called to seek out.  We are called to find the lost.  We are called to love beyond ourselves.

Maybe it’s a part in the Bible I missed, but I don’t remember reading anywhere in the book that there are only specific regions that we are called to reach or specific people who get to be loved on.  The last time I read it, we were called to the nations so that everyone may hear and know.

So regardless if I’m four months short of the World Race, I’ve still got the rest of my life  for His race.

Q: Did you leave the race by choice?

A: Yes, I left by choice.  I felt it was what I needed to do to remain in complete obedience to what God was asking of me.

Q: Are you sick or did something bad happen?

A: I’m in perfect health, outside of a little African acne and overly dry hair.  I witnessed some of the most amazing miracles and God moving through seven countries in an unfounded way.

Q: Did something upset you and cause you to leave?

A: Not at all.  I loved being in my community and serving alongside of them.

Q: Did you leave because you didn’t have enough support money?

A: No, thanks to my supporters I had more than enough to be on the field.

Q: What are your future plans?

A: Spend time with my family and figure out what life is supposed to look like outside of the community I got used to.  Hopefully start seminary in the Fall and move back to Denton in August if I can find a job.

I’m not sure what other questions might be floating out there, but I’m willing to answer them.  Feel free to ask.

That was my final affirmation to leave the race.  So this is my second day gone and it still doesn’t seem real in the slightest.  I’m still wading through some thick stuff and working through it little by little.  

I’m so blessed to have been part of the R Squad.  It really is the Joy Squad.  I walked alongside some of the most amazing people I’m sure I’ll ever meet and I know that the remainder of the race will be nothing more than kingdom victories for everyone that they encounter.  I can’t wait to read of what God does in them and through them for His glory.
For everyone that supported me through prayers and encouragements, finances and checking on my family, I am beyond words of thankfulness really.  You’ll never know how much gratitude I really have for all that you’ve done. 

She’s my new team leader.  For those of you who don’t know, we had to arrange teams a little bit before we headed to Africa, and she became the leader of our new team Shekinah.  We’ve been together a couple of month’s now and even though it’s been a short amount of time I’ve seen her minister in countless ways not only to the people we serve, but also to us as a team.
 Janell is madly in love with justice, and not just any justice, Holy justice.  She wants every single person she encounters to know their worth in Christ.  She loves to fight for those who don’t realize they have the authority to fight for themselves.  
 I’ve walked the streets of Africa to share Christ with people and I’ve seen her break for them and lay hands on them and cry out on their behalf.  I’ve seen her play with children in the streets and empower women to know that they are capable of anything.  Janell is a fighter.  She knows that Christ has given her the authority to take the streets by storm and bring kingdom.
 Unfortunately we have another support deadline coming up on March 15th.  Janell is currently $5,000 short of being fully funded.  So with that being said, I’m inviting you to be part of our Ephraim Challenge.  
 The Lord specifically speaks to Janell through Ephraim (He has made me fruitful in a strange land) and ironically enough, we have spent this month in Kitale at a church called Ephraim.  So we decided it would be awesome if we allowed Him to speak to her again through Ephraim by giving her the opportunity to continue being fruitful in a strange land.  
 The Lord also speaks to her through the number 22.  So we thought that it would be even better if we started the challenge 22 days from the support deadline.  When we went to figure out the date on the calendar it happened to be February 22 that it needed to start!
 We are already excited about seeing the Lord’s faithfulness through this challenge.  I know it sounds a little crazy that we could see $5,000 donated of support in 22 days, but we also know that God is our Jehovah Jireh and He meets every need we have in abundance.
 So with that being said, we are asking with expectancy, not entitlement, that God is going to move in mighty ways and show His faithfulness to Janell by fully funding her in the next 22 days.
 If you would like to donate to Janell you can go to her site at: 
 www.janellking.theworldrace.org 
 and donate by clicking the “Support Me!” link on the left hand column, or you can mail checks with Janell King in the memo line to:
 Adventures in MissionsPO Box 534470Atlanta, GA 30353-4470 If you feel God urging you to be a part of her story on the Race by supporting her financially, we would love to know!

In the middle of praise and worship all the kids came into the hall and quickly got their chairs placed and began praising too.  Well, almost all of them, I was looking for Brenda and didn’t see her.  I got a little anxious because I knew today was the last day that I was going to get to see her and I was worried that maybe she wasn’t able to come.  Eventually she meandered through the door and managed to find me and proceeded to stand with me.  She grabbed ahold of both of my hands and we stood there together and sang. 
 Eventually my songs of praise turned into prayers of praises.  I stood there with her hand in mine thanking God for letting me have time with her this month, for awakening in me a desire to rescue children from their lives on behalf of Him, for giving me the opportunity to let her experience His love when she was with me.  
 It came time to hear the word and we all took a seat.  There were probably two minutes that transpired before Brenda was peacefully asleep.  There wasn’t a sound or move or stroke I made that aroused her from sleep.  Over the month I asked the Lord to make me a safe place for her, a place that she wants to seek out because she knows love is there; He answered me today.  
 When service was over I gave Brenda her school uniform.  (Kids can’t go to school without an uniform here.  They are allowed in the classroom with no shoes, but if they don’t have on the right uniform, they can’t get in the door.  Once I heard this and found out Brenda was Kindergarten age I felt immediately compelled to get her uniform for her before I left Kitale.)When I gave it to her I told her, “Here, this is all yours and no one else’s.  It’s so that you can be whatever you want to be when you grow up.”  She just stood there and smiled and eventually she timidly spoke.  She said she wanted to be a pilot when she grows up.  I told her I would love to fly on her plane some day and she told me that I could.  My heart overflowed.

A while back when I was in Malaysia the Lord revealed Psalm 78:1-8 to me, it states:
 “O my people. hear my teaching;listen to the words of my mouth.I will open my mouth in parables,I will utter hidden things, things from of old-what we have heard and known,what our fathers have told us.We will not hide them from their children;we will tell the next generationthe praiseworthy deeds of the Lord,his power, and the wonders he has done.He decreed statutes for Jacoband established the law in Israel,which he commanded our forefathersto teach their children,so the next generation would knowthem,even the children yet to be born,and they in turn would tell theirchildren.Then they would put their trust in Godand would not forget his deedsbut would keep his commands. They would not be like their forefathers-a stubborn and rebelliousgeneration,whose hearts were not loyal to God,whose spirits were not faithful to him.” Since He revealed that to me it has stuck with me in the back of my mind.  My prayer is that I have not hidden anything from her.  I pray that she knows that the whole reason I gave her a uniform is because the Lord told me to love on her in a specific way.  Giving her that uniform means that yes, she can go to school, but it also says, God sees purpose in your life.  He has something for you.  Something greater than you could ever imagine.  It means that I realize she is the next generation and that it is imperative that she starts out knowing that she has value so that she will never forget what He has done for her when she thinks about her first uniform.  It means that I know she’s going to change history with her life.  
 But in order for that to happen, and for her to see all of this, I had to be obedient to how God asked me to love her.  I had to be obedient to the call and “utter the hidden things of God” through the time I spent with her. 
 Just letting her sit in my lap and rest without any conditions attached to receive my love uttered God.
 Making sure to find her across the yard so that I could tell her how pretty she looked that day uttered God.  
 Swinging with her in the afternoons after painting and letting her speak Swahili to me even though I had no clue what she was saying uttered God.  
 Buying her a uniform so that she can experience life being educated so that she can change the world utters God.
 We are called to utter God to children, called to love them and help them grow, to show them that God has great and mighty things that He wants to use them for.
 Deuteronomy 6:5-8 says:“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.  These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  Impress them on your children.  Talk about them whenyou sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”   I pray that you are obedient to God’s call to unveil Him to your children through your utterances.